our needs

We all bring our needs to all our relationships. Inevitably these needs turn into attachments.
If needs are not understood and resolved then attachment is created. Even if these needs are
fulfilled by a partner even then the final feeling is being unsatisfied with the outcome.

"what do I really want? why me?"
This "why" is how you feel about being in separation, for the anxiety of
separation from God, spirit, and Self is what created the need in the first place.

If separation is looked and faced then your needs will not reflect fear and insecurity. A distinction must be made between external needs, like food and shelter, and inner needs. Inner needs come down to what makes you feel secure. Relationship is meant to heal separation. The proper attitude toward need is that you want to heal.

Society expects us to have security from different sources. Men find security in power, career, skills, information, intelligence, winning, and physical strength. Women find security in family, a strong mate, sharing, communication, their own emotions, and being loved. These differences can cause conflict in a relationship.

This is the dynamics of most relationships.

A marriage in which the woman is stronger than the male. The woman is driven by success and the man by emotion. A marriage that is very male or very female can be a happy one, but in times of stress the predominance of one worldview may make it difficult to find the coping skills to pull through. If both partners are so emotional that no family decisions can be made without much drama and little concession to reason, strain will develop. There is no right or wrong match here.

Then I f the man is very male and the woman very female, there may be a conflict of values and a conflict of needs. A strongly masculine man mated to a strongly feminine woman is a social ideal, but actually, if the man is motivated by power whilst the woman is emotional equality is difficult to sustain in the marriage. On two different paths, not a shared path. One will repress their needs in hopes that will find happiness through sacrifice.

How does one recognize these imbalances?
You need to recognize imbalances where they exist
and take responsibility for them.
The objective is to find balance of male and female within you.


Crystallotus Home | E-zine

Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.© Crystallotus 2007-8